15-year-old perspective

Updated: May 23, 2019

I want to say how much I adore my mom. Man have we been on a journey!!!! I have to say I couldn’t ask for someone else to be my mother, friend, and encourager. We have had some major ups and downs.

I want to share my perspective As an angry 15-year-old. It wasn’t just that I turned 15 and was angry. As little as 8, I can remember waiting at the window for my dad to come to pick us up for our Sunday visits. Hrs and hrs. He didn’t show up.

This played repeat. Sometimes we would get a call that he sent us something in the mail. As we would run to the mailbox day after day looking for whatever he sent it never came. On Occasion, he would finally show up and take us and promises different things at the store, and never follow through.

As you can see this is a start of feeling unwanted and anger. Something is wrong with me. I did something. When my mom started dating someone else it only added fuel. Some guy is going to replace my (honorable dad)dad. I sure wasn’t going to let anyone in. I was 12 the first time I went and lived with my grandparents. I was angry and my mom exhausted herself Try to figure out how to help me. (I know that now) I felt unwanted then.

I returned back to my mom’s house still angry. I didn’t care about myself or really what happened to me. I started using drugs and pretty much whatever I wanted. At age 15 I was placed into foster care. Felt unwanted. My first foster family had no clue how to handle a wild angry teenager. I’d come home high and told to sleep it off. Passed to another foster family. Felt unwanted. Hit repeat. My last foster family lived on a ranch 20 miles out of city limits. My foster mom at the time was also a teacher at my school, so it made things a little harder to get away with.

I now was taking regular UAs. I was told if I cleaned up my act for 6months I could go back to my moms. So I tried. Brought my grades up stopped doing drugs. Helped out and actually kinda liked the ranch life. About 6 months of really working hard at being better, they lied and said I was still not doing everything I was supposed to. So I ditched school went and got as high as I could. When I got back my foster mom was waiting to take me for my UA. I obviously didn’t pass but had court next day and was sent to the Wyoming girls school. I spent almost a yr there. I learned so much about myself and probably saved my life.

I share this because this is trauma!

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I want to thank all my family and friends that continue to support me in this new journey with my Trauma informed yoga. Some ask or are hesitant to try yoga or support it. Many have said its buddhist.